Lessons in Love

I have a question: are there lessons to be learned in true love? Or better yet, do you ever really learn your lesson when it comes to “love?”

I don’t think there are lessons, and I don’t think you ever learn.

We say we won’t make the same mistakes twice. We get into toxic, heartbreaking relationships and swear once they finally end that next time you’ll know what you’re looking for, that next time you won’t allow yourself to be treated badly, that next time you’ll know the signs and you won’t ever get into the same kind of toxic, heartbreaking relationship ever again. But, how do you know?  Of course we want to believe that our next relationship will be better than our last, especially if that relationship was bad, but that’s logic. It’s logic that says you don’t touch something again that has already burned you once. It’s logic that says I will learn from my mistakes so I won’t get hurt again. When it comes to love, there is no logic. All the logic must then take place before there is love, because once you’ve fallen, it doesn’t matter what promises you made to yourself, it doesn’t matter what you said you’d never do again, because love is crippling. It blinds you. Pure love is unconditional and therefore you’ll make every mistake you made before because once you’re in love it’s no longer mistakes, but “acceptances of your partner’s flaws.”

I don’t mean to sound cynical. I actually do not have a cynical view of love. I think love is beautiful and I think love is what saves us from self-destructing, however, I can’t ever say that because of love I won’t make the same mistakes again, and that bothers me. I feel like I’ve learned lessons from being in love and being in relationships. I’ve learned what works for me and what doesn’t. I’ve told myself I won’t allow another person to disrespect me or take adavantage of me or make me look like a fool. I vowed from then on I’d be the only one to dictate how I feel and whether or not I look stupid because I can deal with that. I should be in control of myself in that way. But the truth is I’m not. No matter how much I think I’ve grown, no matter how above it all I pretend to be, no matter how over it I believe I am, love can and will humble the fuck out of me. And that’s scary.

So do you ever really learn?

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