Ongoing goals: Loving yourself

[Feature image from JennAugust.com]

In Malaysia, Valentine’s Day has begun.

I haven’t seen much V-day propaganda, but I assume it’s because I don’t live in a city, so I actually had forgotten about the “holiday” until it snuck up on me!

A year ago, when I was posting on this blog, I had made a goal for 2014 to continue my focus on having healthy relationships—both platonic and romantic–and goals like this are always a work in progress. 

I’ve never had any issues with my friendships. The amount of people I’m  close with isn’t many, but it’s a good amount, and they accept me for the smart-mouthed, sometimes vain, talkative yet kind soul I am, so I appreciate them for that. As far as romantic relationships go, my views on how to handle them, what they should consist of and how they should make you feel have been in a constant state of change and limbo since probably around 2012 when I first experienced a major change in my viewpoint surrounding them. However, one aspect has remained consistent—the importance of self-assured love.

The bottom line is, you can’t be happy with someone if you aren’t happy with yourself, and all the good aspects of relationships stem from that. If you aren’t sure about what you want, if you don’t know what you need, you shouldn’t expect to find out those things about yourself in someone else. At the same time, when you are enamored with yourself, it is 1000x times easier to recognize when someone isn’t loving you and treating you the way you should be treated. As cliche as it may be, relationships need to be between people who are whole on their own. The danger in looking for happiness or fulfillment outside yourself is that everything extrinsic is fleeting. Happiness and fulfillment shouldn’t be. 

So whether you are enjoying a romantic date with a significant other, spending the day with your friends, or if you are spending it with yourself, who is amazing, remember that on this day meant to celebrate love, not loneliness, that you are the shit. You have to love yourself wholeheartedly to spread that love to others in a healthy, non-dependent, non-abusive way. 

Happy Valentine’s Day!

P.S. Head over to my travel blog blackgirlwander.wordpress.com  to read about my experiences teaching English in Malaysia and traveling throughout Southeast Asia!

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